As publicly declared in January, I embarked onto a new journey and took a deep, fresh breath – being officially single for the very first time. (Had been in 3 back-to-back committed, long-term serious relationships)

Anyway, on one of those random sleepless nights 2 months ago, I penned this poem filled with confusion and doubts as to what I actually want in terms of interpersonal relationships.

So what’s the answer?

I actually do have an answer; a clear stand on what I’m looking for and what I’m not. 

I wanted to take this period of time to dedicate the focus and commitment to myself, my career and social relationships with the family & friends around me. 

Single life for the first time, has been an exciting ride. An exhilarating adventure of infatuation, lessons, love, suspense and hurt attached to it – with no extra baggage.

Life is good so far!

From the bottom of my heart, I strictly did not want to be in any kind of serious relationships with anyone at the moment. Maybe it’s just not the right time and I’m neither ready nor prepared to be in yet another long-term commitment. 

Hearts aflutter.

But the heart may sometimes falter and feelings tend to stray off the beaten track. 

After all, we’re only human. And it’s only natural to develop feelings 

But I’m trying not to. My hardest!

I do date. A lot, in fact. But I’ve built my walls sky-high and my heart has since been armoured with titanium and solid steel. My guards are up and there’s no way I would let anyone in because I know once I fall in love, I’m vulnerable again and hurt will follow if things don’t work out.

Guess I’m not up for that sorta heartbreak or drama yet. 

Whatever it is, my sentiments can hardly ever be put in writing and mere words can never do justice to the mind’s eye. 

But when thoughts cloud my mind, I write. So here’s another one of my poems. I realize my tendency of expressing better with literary metaphors. 

This bird yearned to be free
To fly solo, she’s eager to see
The gush, the drive, of the unfamiliar
Gee whiz, what a fortifiying adventure!

To soar with freedom in exploring uncertainties
To fly away and vanish plausible peculiarities
She fleets through depths after depths to the faraway horizon
And scours the ocean glistening like shards of a diamond

But alas, with a classic ray of magic,
Her wings freeze into a gridlock galactic
Walls crumble and shoots to the mighty stars
A burst of warmth takes over, exceeding radars

Unable to scale the skies and beyond,
She is vulnerable and a tad withdrawn

Hush now, little heart
Don’t beat a whisper
Don’t ravel a twister
Turn to brain, your counterpart

Heart of steel, do your thing
Be still, like the mountains
Be cold, like a winter frost
Raise your weapon, and take your wing

[youtube url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bltr_Dsk5EY&feature=kp” width=”600″ height=”300″ full=”no” ]

Song of the moment. Our song.

But somewhere at the back of my mind, I think… this could finally be it. 

I don’t know. Afraid, I am. Perhaps a little too soon to say but… we’ll see. Only time will tell if this fairytale would blossom into a radiance of petals or disintegrate into a withering, shrivelled life.

Hi there everyone.

I know I’ve been missing in action for a while, and by disappearing, I speak not of the commercialized content or ads I write, but rather the personal, heartfelt updates and penning my thoughts – or lack thereof – here in my own blog.

If you must know, I’ve been experiencing a roller-coaster ride of emotions and a turmoil of sorts for the past month. Allow me that time of self-reflection. I think is this the part where self-conflicts help you find yourself.

Oh and I recently had my iPhone stolen so that wasn’t very nice either.

But I’ll get to where I left of (in December, I know!), I promise.

It was a beautiful coincidence how I decided to withdraw myself into the comfort and solace of my own bedroom at home tonight for once but brimming with so much love once I finished watching  Disney’s latest animated movie – Frozen.

There’s something about enjoying the simple pleasures of solitude all wrapped up under your duvet.

It’s strange how I don’t feel forlorn, isolated nor lonely when the clock has just struck midnight on Valentine’s Day.

All because there is this (often overlooked) thing which we all ought to appreciate. It is called the ‘me time’, where you focus on you and nothing but you. 

I’ve always been a Disney girl at heart. I know all the characters by name and can even sing all the  soundtracks for you in a heartbeat.

Disney’s Frozen has taught and reminded me of not one, but two very important things:

1. Love is celebrated and felt by ALL who loves you unconditionally and accepts you for who you are, no matter the distance, shortcomings nor weaknesses.

Think sisterly/sibling love, maternal and paternal love, the love you feel amongst your tightest circle of friends, the guiding love for your pets, the love and respect you have for your bosses/superiors or teachers/lecturers (for those of you still in school), your colleagues, and so on.

2. Love is about sacrifice, care, putting someone else and his/her needs above yours, and doing all you can just to see that person happy.

If I truly loved that person, I’d revel in delight just to see him smile. After all, he is my world and all that’s in it. And every little thing he does just lights my day like a candle in the dark. It’s a beautiful thing to feel. You’d just glow throughout the day like a silly little girl.

I know exactly how that feels like. 

Being in love makes me smile. And this girl would do anything for the one she adores.

Like you have, I’ve been in love before too. Call me stupid but when I love, I do everything in my capacity for that one special someone. Love is a many splendid thing and although it’s something I truly bask in, I am now afraid. 

Afraid to open my heart again, afraid to fall in love again, and afraid to give my heart to anyone again – only to be hurt once more.

Frankly, I realized it didn’t bother me at all if I were to spend Valentine’s Day alone when every couple in the whole wide world is celebrating the overrated occasion that is February 14th. I actually thought I’d be alone this year on Valentine’s Day doing what I love most, training and working out in the gym.

Out of the blue, someone whom I met several days ago in the gym told he had a massive crush on me for a couple of weeks now.

Wow. I didn’t see that coming. I’ve always thought I looked like a total sweaty anti-social nut hammering it out alone in the gym ignoring every guy in the free-weights zone while I do my thing. Never thought anyone would notice me or think that I am, in any way, approachable. 

And guess what? He asked me out tomorrow, on Valentine’s Day. Hmmm.. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to go? I don’t want to think of it as a date, and it’s probably not, to be honest, as I am (maybe) still not ready to open my heart to anyone else yet.

But a little company tomorrow would be nice.

***

What is love now, anyway?

How is it that love can empower me with such mighty force yet simultaneously render me completely vulnerable? From what I’ve felt before, there’s one thing I can truly vouch for – the one you love is your pillar of strength yet your ultimate weakness, your kryptonite, at the very same time. 

I’m no love guru, but if it’s another thing I’ve learnt in this journey of love, I’d like to share with you a cardinal rule:

Many a time we expect too much from the one we love, and when he/she falls short, a wave of disappointment sweeps you by storm.

That’s why I’ve placed paramount importance in this to anyone I’ve dated or will date in the future as I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than to be thoroughly disappointed.  Why expect anything more when his love is what makes your world go round?

***

Also, what made my Valentine’s eve even sweeter was how a painful absence and distance I felt for another was soothed when we began talking again after a long silence. 

That itself made me realize that he still has a place in my heart after all. I believe that once you hold someone dear to you, that’s where he always will be, no matter the circumstances that stands in the way. After all, love isn’t a show or a social construct.

Love is how you feel for that person, whether or not clandestine, and that warmth resonating in you when that fleeting thought of him crosses your mind. 

I am grateful for the people (that includes all of you) that have graced my life and taught me more and more about what love is about, as well as all the variations of what love can be.

Which is why it’s time for me to step back, be on my own for now without any form of commitment and put myself first. Only true love can thaw this frozen heart.

I’ll share this powerful, thought-provoking song with all of you tonight.

Set your soul free, love yourself and allow February 14th to be a celebration of all the things you love most! 

This goes out especially to my dearest readers, friends and family. I love you all (even the silent readers) and thank you for also loving the blogger behind this blog for the past 9 years. But above all, thank you for growing with me.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all! 

So today is National Hug Your Cat Day!

BabyChivas, which corner are you curling up this time? Mommy's coming for you hehe!

Cuddling Chivas in my arms today

When I woke up, buddy Pam retweeted UberFacts' tweet about National Hug Your Cat Day and tagged me in it 🙂

To celebrate, I ran to the living room to squeeze that mischievous furball, my bundle of joy 

Gave him a few treats & his favorite can of tuna… and then hugged/squeezed/cuddled him again!

Rubbed his belly… and then hugged/squeezed/cuddled him again!

Brushed his fur & scratched him behind his ears.. and then hugged/squeezed/cuddled him again!

Hugging him everyday as a pastime 

But if you're a true cat lover and a loving parent of your kitty, this day wouldn't strike any significance to you.

Just like me, because I hug my furkid Chivas everyday – several times even!

Hugging him when he was still a  tiny 4 month old kitten 

For those who doesn't know my babyChivas, I've blogged about him here late last year 🙂

He's the kitten of both purebred parents daddy American Curl & mommy a Ragdoll

SO GO HUG YOUR KITTEH!! 

Thanks to Sony Pictures Malaysia, I was invited to catch the premier screening of 'The Vow'

Upon reading the title, we had expected it to be yet another sappy love story but we were wrong.

I brought my partner-in-crime Pamela along with me to the movie premier 🙂

We watched the show in full anticipation, following how sweet and adorable this husband-and-wife duo can be.

Lovebirds who met while she was stll in Law School

Got married in an Art Museum (as she left her family to pursue her passion in sculpting)

Until a mishap came along – they met a road accident and she was flung forward, crashing into the windscreen.

A major, major part of her memory is then missing.

She tries to make a timeline of her life using photographs but

simply cannot recall anything that happened after Law School

The story then revolves around her husband's determination in winning back his wife's heart.

Trials and tribulations (and so much drama!) ensues. Now nothing but a stranger, he strives to make all attempts to have her fall back in love with him. Even bringing her back to where they had their 1st date!

"It will be like reading your favorite book all over again"

Hat's off to this guy's sheer determination! 

Here's a review from us :

'The Vow', would make you naturally acknowledge a serious love story coming your way. That was certainly the case with a married couple starring Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. But despite the sweet and sentimental, almost perfect love story, a tragedy was in store for them – a plot twist, as movie buffs would call it. 

When the couple got involved in a nasty car wreck, it caused Paige (McAdams) to suffer a brain injury; leading to memory loss. She wakes up not remembering the recent years of her life, but as the girl she used to be when she was much younger –  still a Law Student, still someone else's fiance, not a vegetarian (yet!), falling into old habits and a daughter with astounding filial obedience to her upper-class family. 

We found this movie vastly appealing as its very essence & sincerity is inspired by a true story – yup, not your run-off-the-mill, contrived Hollywood fairytale. 'The Vow' scratches the surface of some very interesting questions surrounding marriage, identity and change in reality: How would you cope if your partner had no memory of your lives together? Is that old adage ‘better to have loved and lost than never loved at all’ really true?

The movie left us with such rhetorical questions and wanting more out of life : to care more, to appreciate the little things around us more and of course, to love more.

So.. the question remains. What if you wake up no longer remembering who or what you are?

Lucky for me, I've got this blog to remind me of everything that used to be in the past 7 years of my life 

All in all, we'd say this is a good movie for you to watch and be inspired by – such tremendous power of love condensed in 104 minutes.

Be sure to check this movie off your list of touching, romantic comedies for this month!

While you're at it, drag your boyfriends along 😛 

I know I haven't been updating for quite a number of days now. Haven't been really in the best of mood.

So the 8 hour flight back home wasn't pleasant – at all.

Spent my time sleeping, crying, listening to some Dub & wishing the time wouldn't fleet by so slowly.

It's Day #2 in Kuala Lumpur now; 4000 miles away and 3 hours behind Australian time.

Yes, I'm back in my homeland Malaysia and trying not to feel miserable.

Thing is, I love Malaysia. There's nothing wrong with coming back to KL at all. In fact, ever since I've returned, my schedule has been fully booked for the next few days till mid November. Truckloads of appointments, things to do and events to attend.

Back to my busy life once more, I reckon.

Shot during the few hours I had left with my buddies before I left Australia

I made a few love hearts for some of my buddies with a personalized message for them.

Most of them of which I doubt I'll ever see again in the future 🙁 🙁 They are amazing, if I have not put it out there.

Just miserable because I really miss the other life I lived back there in Australia, so much so till I call it home.

Just some of the buncha Aussiemates I'll miss dearly

The rest weren't around at the time of this picture!

Leaving Australia feels like I'm leaving a massive fraction of my life behind, although I had only spent a total of 6-7 months there as compared to the lifetime I spent in Malaysia. It made a huge impact on me, you bet. 

It really, really did.

And leaving it all behind hurts.

It really, really does.

It gave me new experiences that I could only dream of having, brought so much laughter and sillyfun in my life, found me a new meaning of friendship, taught me heaps of things I had no clue about, opened my eyes to new perspectives and most importantly, spawned a love so pure and beautiful that made me believe in fairytales once more. 

Why did you think I went back to Australia for the 2nd time?

It was worth it.