Exam blues

Frankly, the content of this post has nothing to do with the title whatsoever. Nothing even remotely close to the slight impression of the title.

Rather strange, if I do say so myself

Weeks before the exam, I was still working for hours on end and just doing nothing in particular associated with revisions. A week before the exam, I went out clubbing with a group of pals and kept going for late night suppers. Days before the exam, I went to get tattooed and spent time with boyfriend Benj. The WEEK OF the exam, I still worked for hours on end. And here I am, sitting in Coffee Bean having a cuppa Latte and some scones.

*question mark . question mark . question mark*

I really don’t know the answer, not even planning to question myself. Probably, I paid attention in class and understood my notes most of the time. I used to be this oh-my-goodness-exam-is-coming sort of a person – but not anymore. Nonetheless, my goals and personal target are still the same. Which is, to continue achieving my C.G.P.A of a perfect 4.0 and nothing less; not even a 3.9.

Perfection is a passion to me; the simplicity of it is to focus real hard and accomplish.

Somehow, I ain’t putting much pressure on myself anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I effing think I’m effing smart. All I’m doing is trying to comprehend myself better. And prior to that, I think that I’ve approached a phase in life whereby I acknowledge where I stand and fully trust myself in what I’m doing. No more of that under-confident bullsh*t (am I allowed to say it here? Wait – for all I care. This is my domain, my blog, can’t stand profanity? Get movin’) Sorry fo that. Something or someone has just pushed my ‘serious mode’ button.

So, as I was saying, I probably have less worries now in anything whatsoever. If I know what I’m doing, I’m doing it right. I would never want to regret later. Easier said, I don’t fall into pits just like that. If you don’t trust that you’ll succeed, why bother letting yourself of the hook? I have gone through all that pressure as a child and now, I am through with it and used to it. It’s in me now. Thanking mum for that. Like, a lot. Mum, if you never taught me how to focus and set my priorities right, I’d possibly still be like many others; with a lost character of a person, wandering around aimlessly in the pursuit of life – without an ounce of perfection, determination or satisfaction.

Here’s to you, mum. I’m more than satisfied with myself. I know it’s an uphill task, but I’m glad you made this way. For who I am now and where I stand, I owe it to you. Much love.

Life wouldn’t be easy without the hardship first.
After all, It’s the hard rocks that makes the gravel path stronger, ain’t it?