Here I am in remorse, lying on the bed like an ill piece of vegetable.

I am immobile for the time being.

In deep sufferings here, all I can do is sleep the entire day. Each time I get up, my head spins a different paradigm. My stomach muscles squeezes every last drop of me.

I am nauseating & have never felt weaker.

But to this pain I’m going through, all I can do is apologize to everyone. Because I’ve dug my own grave and caused this to myself and caused worries to the people who cared.

Yesterday night was like no other. I met so many of my high school mates especially one that I remember being buddies with, when we were back in 5science1. We agreed to hang out tonight and so we did. Guess what? I met a few of my high school friends and it was awesome because it had really been a long time.

My collegemates were coincidentally there too, so it was definitely a swell time partying with all of them.

Soon, we got to know that there was a Cocktail drinking competition in Momo which the prize was RM500. All of us could do with some extra cash, hence our participation.

Standing before us were 10 full glasses of it. Whoever was the 1st to finish all those 10 glasses in the fastest time was the winner. In my round, I was the last one standing.. some of them were disqualified and some couldn’t drink anymore. That motivated me even more to win that RM500.

The last thing I recall was looking at two more full glasses amidst my cheering friends, and then I completely blacked out. Continuous puking drained me, I collapsed and couldn’t even walk nor remember anything I’ve spoken.

10 full glasses. All at one shot? What the heck was I thinking????

I was in a dire state of trouble.
It was trash. This was the first time I had ever gotten so drunk in my entire life. This time, Rachel took care of me instead of the other way around. I have to thank her for that.

For people who saw me last night, I’m sorry. This has never happened before, and I swear that this is not who I am. I’m a goal-oriented straight-A student with dignity and morals, whose idea of fun are wholesome activities and spending time with my guy. I know I don’t need to explain myself to anyone, but it helps me justify what I want to say.

And most importantly to my boyfriend, I’m so sorry for upsetting you. I really am. Do know that I caused disapointment not only to you but to myself as well. I’ve been suffering all morning and afternoon, and believe me, going through this is hard enough. As a token of apology, I’m willing to do something that you’ve wanted me to do all this while – to stop clubbing. Dearest, for you I will.

I’m sorry…
Its all that I can say
You mean so much
and I’d fix all that I’ve done
If I could start again

I’d throw it all away
To the shadows of regrets
and you would
have the best of me.