Hi there. It’s the morning after and a new day… and it sure feels strange.
You don’t just spend three years of your life with someone and then be fully okay with the sudden absence, do you?
That’s only being human.
Firstly, I am overwhelmed by the tremendous support, motivation, and strength you guys have given me.
From the bottom of my heart, I am thankful for all the people – friends, family, blog readers, social media followers, even to the ones I don’t personally know – flooding me with encouraging words, dropping me texts, @mentions, DMs, Facebook messages, emails, comments to check on me, how I’m doing and making sure I’m alright.
General answer: I am. (for now)
I am very, very touched. Thank you for showing me your concern, it means a lot.
Due to this, I understand that being a quite a public person/figure, my life is under scrutiny by pools of people – both near and far.
So here’s me, about to answer the top 10 questions I’ve been receiving over and over again, and just a few words (LOL more like a spiel) to express on my part before I close the chapter completely.
I took leave from work on his last day yesterday, to help with some packing, to take him to the airport and needless to say, to spend the last few moments with him before he leaves for good.
Being a blubbering mess and crying myself to sleep for the past few days, I feared the one hour ride from airport to home all alone. This time, it will be different because it will be without him crying with me or wiping my tears away.
But I was pleasantly surprised when I found out I wasn’t going to be alone. My friends offered to accompany me to the airport and back. I totally didn’t expect that at all, thanks for keeping me company getting late night supper and shisha after we left the airport too.
So thank you, so so very much. You all have my gratitude – especially when the airport isn’t exactly a stone’s throw away.
What you guys might not know is, prior to yesterday’s departure, we have already not been together for a few months now – a.k.a break up.
I decided so to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for this official separation.
You don’t just break up with someone at the airport on the day he/she leaves, do you? That will be utterly ridiculous and depressing.
Hence the pre-mature break up several months before. LOL. But this time, it is different. We won’t be by each other’s side anymore.
Are you ready to have your questions answered? Here we go.
Top 10 Questions about this separation.
(In no particular order)
1. How did you guys meet?
We met in Australia and got together in 2011 when I was abroad for studies.
You might want to read this post I wrote early last year.
2. Why did you guys break up?
Can you not use that word? I’d say ‘part ways’ or ‘going our separate ways’, as it has less of a negative ring to it.
Okay, there are many reasons, but one of the main reasons is – simply because we cannot be together anymore due to geographical separation. It’s not going to work. We both believe we are still young and have our own individual futures ahead of us. I also want to be on my own for a while and not be in any committed/exclusive relationship at the moment.
3. Why is he leaving?
He was here on Student VISA and was later studying by distance education, enabling him to stay in Malaysia for a while longer. And by January 2014, his VISA had expired. He then has to return home to finish up his studies and/or get a job.
4. Why can’t you guys LDR (Long Distance Relationship)?
Is your head stuck in the clouds? Wake up, from your pretty dream.
I’ve been there, done that. It doesn’t work, unless only temporarily. Should we do LDR, this LDR is going to be indefinite, and I sure as hell am not going to put myself through this emotional strain or the possibilities of fighting, arguing and eventually breaking up .
The stress caused by this? Not worth it and might even severe the close friendship.
5. Why don’t you follow him to Australia?
I’m not ready to move and migrate my entire life to another country (especially for a guy) when I have my dreams to achieve and career that I’ve built here. We’re both still young, there is so much ahead for us in life out there to fulfill and accomplish on our own beyond a relationship, thus I find it unwise to tie down so early.
I have my path to follow, and I believe he has his.
6. Why don’t you guys get married and stay in Australia?
Refer to (5). Apart from that, I have a very flawed opinion of marriage (for now). Perhaps I might change my mind once I meet Mr.Right/The One? Meh. Such idealist crap.
But right now, I want to pursue life and experience the journey as an individual first. Since after all, I’ll be spending the remaining decades of my life with my future husband till I’m old and grey, right? 🙂 Again, idealism.
Disclaimer: This is my own personal opinion. Yours may or may not differ but we are all entitled to make our own decisions based on our personal views/choice.
7. How do you feel? Are you okay?
Would you be okay spending three years attached to anyone or anything and then be jubilant when that someone or something is suddenly gone from your life? No? I thought so. What really terrifies me is when I do eventually blog about pending/old posts or travel trips and I have to sieve through hundreds of photos of us back during the good times and when were were still together.
Note to self: I really shouldn’t keep delaying blog posts. Case in point 🙁
8. Are you both still friends?
Of course we are! The best of friends. Just because you’re not in a relationship anymore doesn’t change the fact that we are and have always been close and good friends. You don’t exactly turn love into hatred or be enemies do you?
At least I haven’t. You may have, then again depends how your relationship ended – whether amicably (like ours did) or otherwise.
9. What are you going to do now?
The same thing I do every day. Eat sleep rave repeat. (Just kidding, that’s a song)
Hmmm.. well, the same thing I do everyday? Eat sleep play gym work coffee. And of course, reshuffle my priorities and focus on a new beginning. My life will be exactly the same, the only difference is not having him around or by my side anymore.
10. What’s your current status?
Really? You guys have to ask me that? Well, I am, technically (and have been for several months), single… but! Not available at the moment.
Many people have also told me they admired my strength and optimism.
Really? Thank you. But think again.
Perhaps you haven’t seen the downtimes I bawl my eyes out like some kid who dropped his favorite ice-cream or the nights I cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning with eyes so swollen you probably couldn’t tell the difference between me and a gremlin.
What? I look like Jess? Puh-leeze. She should be honoured.
What I want to project to the world is strength and optimism so I can constantly empower and remind myself to be that girl amalgamated by iron, chromium, mercury, titanium, steel, aluminium, mercury, platinum and all the other transition metals on the periodic table LOL. *geek alert*
Jesus Christ, it’s not the end of the world – I’ll be fine! *repeats to self*
So don’t be fooled – LOL this is a confession, only expressed on my blog.
Hahaha! I’m kidding. Just found this quite humorous.
To be loved, you must first love yourself. And it begins today.
Allow me to digress. Truth is, as much as I hate to admit, I’ve never been single.
Yup. Unless you count the times I was a toddler wailing in my diapers, or that kid in junior school learning my multiplication table then yes, you read right.
I’ve been blessed (if the three of you are reading this, thank you for the beautiful memories) to have good, strong relationships with my exes and I’ve never regretted being in serious, long-term relationships with them over the course of 9 years in total.
So this round, it’s time for me to be on my own again.
Hello, 15 year old girl! Where did I leave off?
The farewell dinner – our favorite ribbies. (Inside joke)
There will always be awesome, beautiful memories of us in me.
I’ll try not to remember the horrible times or Kermit suicide okay? Haha (Another inside joke)
Thank you, for a memorable three years. This is it, my dear. The end of our chapter.
I am afraid but I believe we’ll keep our heads up and move on as time heals. All the best back in Australia!
We’ll always remain the very best of friends though. Farewell and I’m sure I’ll see you again should we ever have our paths crossed in the future.