When I don’t wanna grow up

It’s 2.40am in the morning and I can’t sleep. Believe it or not, my pillow is soaked and I’ve just finished sobbing real hard. Seriously.

A sponge would probably weigh 4kg if it contained all my tears. Yeah, I cried so darn bloody much.

Why? I’ve just finished reading my old blogposts dating all the way back to the year 2005. Not in this blog, of course. It’s in a blog that you’ll never find.. which I started when I was only 16 years old. A lot has changed.. seriously. And reading back every word I said made me recollect bits of my past as a whole.

How life changed and warped its way to who I am at this present time. How a 15+ year old school girl chronicled her life with every written word till the day she stands as a 20 year old young lady she is now.

It’s like a deep travel back into time to watch the morphing process in slow motion. And then I realized, People grow. People change.

And so did I.
Just like all of you.
We’re only human.

I read back those blogposts mentioning that I’ve always wanted to be a communications student, doing journalism and dubbing a bit into graphic designing. And that’s where I am now.

But as a child of 5, I wrote in my diary that I had my mind set on being a veterinarian. At 8 years old, it was imperative that I wanted to be a photographer.

And nothing has changed – except the fact that the whole veterinarian thing was history. LMAO. I’m glad that changed.

BUT also reading back and reminiscing certain nostalgic moments from the past, I somehow wished certain things had never changed. But then again, everything is subject to change. If things never changed… nobody will ever be where they are today. Neither would they endure a whole dimension of experience which they render the most beautiful chapter of life – ever. At all.


Blood is always thicker than water


Buddies that never fail to bring laughter


Buddies that always had my back

Last but not least,


The closest besties that I’ll always love

♥

I want Penang.
I miss home.

It’s 3.30am.
My cheeks are still wet.
I hate it when my period is coming, I get so emotional for no good reason.

And I miss the people I love – my bestest of friends and tightly-knit family
Homesick. But I’ll survive
T__T



Posted

in

,

by

Comments

20 responses to “When I don’t wanna grow up”

  1. yenniedoll Avatar
    yenniedoll

    awww, come, .. me, redtard and Bear gives a HUG.. =D

    im damn PMS now too. aikzzzzzzzzzz

  2. ~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T Avatar
    ~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T

    it’s 4am and yeah, I’m still awake. thanks fer the comfort roomie 🙁

    grouphuggggggggggggggsssss
    /kicks redtard away

  3. ǺũĐřέŷ (: Avatar
    ǺũĐřέŷ (:

    awww hun.
    cheer ups aight?
    *huggies*
    love ya babe 🙂

  4. BenjieTan Avatar
    BenjieTan

    why are you guys shoving the redtard aside?
    come back when you can, we’ll always be here.

  5. ~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T Avatar
    ~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T

    audrey really so sad. it’s only when you are away from the ones you love that u do realize how much u love them all.

    benjie becos he bullied the son. He oways pushes son off the bed. AND plays with his tail. =/
    and i wanna come home. sounds fucking cliche but i really really wanna come home. i miss home. i miss penang. i miss you. i miss my babes. i miss mois. i miss kakak’s cooking. i miss mom. i miss gurney ddr. over here, it’s nothing like back there at all. someone bring me home ='( ='( c!baiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

  6. weijie Avatar
    weijie

    penang ! i love the food there kah .

  7. Huai Bin Avatar
    Huai Bin

    Yeah…life happens. I wanted to be a doctor when I was a kid. I still do, but I know I can’t anymore. Life has a strange way of throwing curveballs at you.

    Take care Jess!

    We drive down Penang if you’re very homesick. 😉

  8. BenjieTan Avatar
    BenjieTan

    give it time to work out.
    its been just a week+ of course yer not used to it yet.
    ok fuck the redtard

  9. Yi Ling Avatar
    Yi Ling

    awww. *huggles* i guess it’s normal to feel that way once in a while. i do too. even when i’m at home =.=”

  10. ## + Ken + ## Avatar
    ## + Ken + ##

    God bless ….

    Remember to drink milo =)

    XD

  11. Voxy Avatar
    Voxy

    AWW~~JIE~*huggies* although i am not related to u in anyways, but still, can treat me as ur real mui, u can awix bully me if u want!xp~

    take it or leave it!this is the first and last offer that im offering to Jessica Tan Su Lin and that she can bully me! Only her! ahahahahaha~

    *huggies jie*

  12. Cindy L Avatar
    Cindy L

    Jessie we are always here!
    People change as they grow up..It’s not a plan..
    Love ya 🙂

  13. me, myself + mIcHeLLe Avatar
    me, myself + mIcHeLLe

    hey there,

    i am just a stranger dropping by.

    anyway, i know exactly how you feel. when i had to leave home for national service (it is not like i have to go overseas, pff) i cried so hard at night.

    stay strong la. *hugs*
    you’ll be alright. =)

  14. Josh Avatar
    Josh

    It will be okay very soon, you just need time to settle down in the new environment. Be strong k? Duccles*

  15. Shu Fen Avatar
    Shu Fen

    hello, first time dropping by but i hope you feel better soon~

    go get some sinful food and cheer yourself up! that’s what i do ^^

  16. JC♥ Avatar
    JC♥

    babe….!!!!
    come bec for my bday, will ya?
    we’ll drink puas puas and make sure u cant get bec to kl.
    lol.
    missin u badly.
    T_T

  17. Vincent Avatar
    Vincent

    Homesick? Aaaww.. That which does not kill you, only makes you stronger. I’m sure u’ll pull through. =)

  18. Princess Abigail Avatar
    Princess Abigail

    Jessie … I’m lost..
    Where the f are you?
    I thought you lived in Malaysia … now you moved to another country?
    Studying biology not communication?
    I need an explanation!
    I’m puzzled and … disorientated!
    Keep me posted
    Alison in France

  19. ~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T Avatar
    ~ ♥ J E SS I C A . T

    weijie u love the food. i love home! 🙁

    huaibin awww really? thankies! but that depends on when ur free too 🙂

    benjie don’t worry, im hanging in there =/ and yeah! fugg redtard, he’s always bullying lilB

    yiling u just made me feel better. how come u feel like that even at home? wow.

    miloken i drink that everyday at office when im hungry! 🙂

    vox haha mui, i can bully u to be my shopping bag carrier when we go shopping XD XD

    cindy aww thankies! 🙂 🙂 srsly I can’t wait to go home

    michelle ohwell, sometimes, home is always where the heart is. actually, in the beginning i was happy enuf to leave hme, but when uv left, it’s a whole new story 🙁

    josh heee. I will. and thanks for lunchie 🙂 🙂

    shufen ahhhh food. perfect idea! in fact. im munching down sum cookies now 😉

    jc haih. dun be emo. or not u’ll make me emo too. i miss u lots babe. and i wouldnt miss ur bday for the world bestie. xoxo

    vince ya kno, im surprised u never get homesick. =/ do u?

    alison & abi nono dont get me wrong. im still in malaysia. just in a different state cos i moved to the city to do my internship in a magazine company. and still doing communications of course. the biology thing was just a tour of university in singapore, for the fun of it 🙂 dont worry sweets. xoxo

  20. Vincent Avatar
    Vincent

    Maybe just a lil. I don’t think much bout it. =)

    But as they say, there’s no better place than home.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *