As publicly declared in January, I embarked onto a new journey and took a deep, fresh breath – being officially single for the very first time. (Had been in 3 back-to-back committed, long-term serious relationships)

Anyway, on one of those random sleepless nights 2 months ago, I penned this poem filled with confusion and doubts as to what I actually want in terms of interpersonal relationships.

So what’s the answer?

I actually do have an answer; a clear stand on what I’m looking for and what I’m not. 

I wanted to take this period of time to dedicate the focus and commitment to myself, my career and social relationships with the family & friends around me. 

Single life for the first time, has been an exciting ride. An exhilarating adventure of infatuation, lessons, love, suspense and hurt attached to it – with no extra baggage.

Life is good so far!

From the bottom of my heart, I strictly did not want to be in any kind of serious relationships with anyone at the moment. Maybe it’s just not the right time and I’m neither ready nor prepared to be in yet another long-term commitment. 

Hearts aflutter.

But the heart may sometimes falter and feelings tend to stray off the beaten track. 

After all, we’re only human. And it’s only natural to develop feelings 

But I’m trying not to. My hardest!

I do date. A lot, in fact. But I’ve built my walls sky-high and my heart has since been armoured with titanium and solid steel. My guards are up and there’s no way I would let anyone in because I know once I fall in love, I’m vulnerable again and hurt will follow if things don’t work out.

Guess I’m not up for that sorta heartbreak or drama yet. 

Whatever it is, my sentiments can hardly ever be put in writing and mere words can never do justice to the mind’s eye. 

But when thoughts cloud my mind, I write. So here’s another one of my poems. I realize my tendency of expressing better with literary metaphors. 

This bird yearned to be free
To fly solo, she’s eager to see
The gush, the drive, of the unfamiliar
Gee whiz, what a fortifiying adventure!

To soar with freedom in exploring uncertainties
To fly away and vanish plausible peculiarities
She fleets through depths after depths to the faraway horizon
And scours the ocean glistening like shards of a diamond

But alas, with a classic ray of magic,
Her wings freeze into a gridlock galactic
Walls crumble and shoots to the mighty stars
A burst of warmth takes over, exceeding radars

Unable to scale the skies and beyond,
She is vulnerable and a tad withdrawn

Hush now, little heart
Don’t beat a whisper
Don’t ravel a twister
Turn to brain, your counterpart

Heart of steel, do your thing
Be still, like the mountains
Be cold, like a winter frost
Raise your weapon, and take your wing

[youtube url=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bltr_Dsk5EY&feature=kp” width=”600″ height=”300″ full=”no” ]

Song of the moment. Our song.

But somewhere at the back of my mind, I think… this could finally be it. 

I don’t know. Afraid, I am. Perhaps a little too soon to say but… we’ll see. Only time will tell if this fairytale would blossom into a radiance of petals or disintegrate into a withering, shrivelled life.