Doggone Chinese New Year

Fuck it all with the fireworks cackling away and the very annoying golden Chinese emperor which pops out of a coinbox while simultaneously singing the very popular ‘Gong Xi Fa Chai’ song. Fuck it upside down with the deafening bangings of brass gongs and people smiling at me trying to get close to this obviously hostile creature like myself. Why indeed am I so down in the dumps whilst every soul in this house is singing and clapping in unison?

Sadly well, my monthly companion chose no other time more perfect than this- visiting me during Chinese New Year. Oh imagine, this festive season in all it’s glory with me somewhat enjoying myself; with unwanted company. Darn. I didn’t even bring a pad. So, I’ll think it’s best to spare the details? Yes. To make matters worse, I was indeed pissed with completely everything, and anything. Imagine the horror plastered all over my mother’s expression today when I snapped at her for no good reason. Here’s a public apology for you:

   Dear Mother,

            I’m sorry I called you a whore.

            Actually I didn’t. I called you a boar.

            Oh yes, I meant to say ‘Happy Chinese New Year of the Boar 2007’

                                                                             Love, Jess

Ha-ha. Doesn’t it all go as planned? Perfect.

Anyway, my day proceeded even worse when dear ol’ Uncle Mike complained that I didn’t help him with cleaning the house. Yeah, like I would choose to do that when he stoops down, climbs up, crawls under, and bends over everything to clean every nook and cranny of the well under-kept house. There would be dead cicadas in one corner and unattached dragonfly’s wings in the other. Plus, clouds of dust settling comfortably on a piece of under-used household appliance and strands of I-don’t-want-to-know-which-part-of-the-human-anatomy-it-came-from hair strewn all over another object of furniture. You just might want to do it yourself, thank you very much.  

This menstruating female beast here also did not get enough text messages from Hubby and that resulted in my face being the longest papaya that ever existed on planet earth. *groan* That obviously made our phone conversation nothing worse than a living hell. I just hate it when we are like that, because we are in fact, a very loving pair indeed. But it so happens that when I’m pissed really bad, he gets pissed in the end after failing to ‘pujuk’ me. OMG. I get emo sometimes.

But hey, ka-ching time $$$$$. Gong Xi Fa Chai to everybody blissfully married, don’t forget to mail me your red-packets containing nothing less than a purple note; because if you intended to do so, it will be returned to your home address in a very publicly embarrassing manner- so that your whole neighborhood would know that underneath that pretty skin, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A MISERABLE SKINFLINT OF A SELFISH MISER!

Pardon my nastiness. I’m just feeling so fucked-up today. God I hate being a woman. Let’s see what tomorrow’s in store for me. Hopefully, sunny skies with little pixies dancing on a rose petal.