OMFG. The wilderness of the human species has finally been unleashed and I was so unfortunate to bear witness of it. Poor me.

It started as a fine evening when everyone was having a respectable family reunion dinner in a nearby Chinese restaurant when certain male members of the family on my right had gotten a tad too drunk. That large family occupied 3tables and began acting like hooligans, totally oblivious to general attention. They had given the word ‘respectable’ a VERY bad name as they seem to be infiltrating everybody’s decent dinner time. These obnoxious creatures started to dance around in a rather undignified manner,  in front of everyone, 100% in disregard of the public’s obvious presence. Angry glares and dissatisfied expressions were splattered on everyone’s faces (especially that of mine); tension too, filled the restaurant.

I swear, my family would be shrouded in pure abasement had I chosen to do the same. If I ever did in the near future, I grant you permission to slap me right, left, top, bottom, front and center and drag me by my ponytail to the nearest pail of ice-cold water. You should know exactly what to do after that? Ha-ha. To make matters worse, they sang in unison to invisible microphones, in their non-existent karaoke stage and to their imaginary fans. One of them even whipped out a worn-out harmonica and I heaved a sigh of relief, anticipating melodious tunes from that (rather revolting) musical instrument.

Lo and behold my utmost horror, for he started to play a very deafening and extremely off-key version of the popular Chinese New Year song- ‘Tung Tung Tung Chiang, Gong Xia Gong Xi’ Like, hello? Earth to Jessica? What was I expecting from a sloppy hobo like him? An Il Divo tune? Like, yeah roite.

Another baffling scene was when that drunken creature started to yell incoherently in an unidentified way of communication, followed by a loud ‘Hurrah!’ by his loyal subjects. This happened every 3 seconds and was beginning to get on my nerves. Almost like it was the return of the communists of the early Malaya- Chin Peng strikes again!

Maybe it went like this-

·       My fellow subordinates, we have returned to rule Malaysia for another 14days!

·       Hurrah!

·       And we, the communists will be the Kings of the century!

·       Hurrah!

·       And I, Chin Peng, will be the King of the communists!

·       Hurrah!

·       We will strike the Japanese, British and Malayan forts at 12a.m tonight!

·       Hurrah!

·       And Jessica is not to blog a word about our mission!

·       Hurrah!

Whatever. I’ll be there to foil your plans anyway, you ruthless old nincompoop! For I, Jessica Tan, am not as dimwitted or such a doofus like you, Chin Peng. At least, I don’t go around burning down people’s brush huts and holding innocent captives for personal gratification or look upon people’s misery and sorrow as a means of entertainment. I have the television, mind you.

Anyway, grandpops is watching it by himself now. Lemme go join and bond with my favourite member of the elder generation. The rattling of Mahjong tiles has gone too far, wait for me Grandpops here I come!

Today went better than expected. Dancing bears and painted wings… ah, lovely.

I had the time of my life chuckling away at the lights of Dennis the Menace on HBO this morning. As an ardent fan of the comic series, I could recognize every character and that made my life so much easier for the comprehension of innocent humour. Dennis is up to mischief 24/7 and pretty much enjoys exasperating the hell outta Mr. Wilson, his neighbour.

Mum kept yelling my name to eat lunch and as I was too engrossed with the movie, both my ears just refused to pick up any sound wave that has anything to do with me switching the telly off and going for lunch. Her high-pitched screams, mind you, was 3 notches higher than her usual, and made me somewhat irritated.

There’s always a silver lining around every cloud—

Before I could say ‘Mississippi has the most fucked-up spelling the whole wide universe’, dear ol’ Uncle Mike spilled that we were going shopping at 2pm. My frown widened into a huge Cheshire cat grin and I dashed into my room to begin dolling-up. Oh yes, I know I’m beautiful… NOT. And off we go in my lil white ‘The Nightmare before Christmas’ buggy. For those of you who didn’t quite catch that, my car interior (and exterior) is filled with Jack Skellington from Tim Burton’s ‘The Nightmare before Christmas’.

The oldies reprimanded me yet again for my insane speed of driving… and all I hear are 3wrinkled chimps jabbering gibberish, uncontrollably. What gives?

As out of my mind as I can get, I snapped a picture of a soft toy Cookie Monster from the ‘Sesame Street’ series and mms-ed it to Hubby with the caption,’ Silly like Hubbydu’ Frankly, I didn’t know why I did it… probably because it looks like him. *bluek*

Oops, my granduncle just arrived… and this house is full of people blabbering about in Chinese. My solid existence right in the middle of their conversation is causing a sound interference so I think I’d better relocate. Ya know what’s freaky? My gravitationally disadvantaged grandaunt is sub-consciously twitching her nose and blinking spasmodically, on my diagonal right. Gross. I wonder if I would be inclined to that, 40 years down the road. Please no, o’ Lord from up above, grant my skin the power to defy gravity as I grow older with age. Amen.

Gotta ciao. I think they are beckoning for me to adjourn. Have a good CNY dinner!