Finally. An hour to sit down and do what I do best.

The hours were long and tiresome… the routes were winding, bumpy and somewhat nauseating… the front two people in the drivers’ and navigators’ seat were having the conversation of their lives… the two other people at the back on the other hand were in pin-drop silence; paying unfailing attention to every word and sentence uttered by the two people in the front. Fine.. I’ll put it in laymans’ term. MOm and his mom were busy gossiping in front while his sister and I were eavesdropping. Simple. Amazing what language can do to cause cerebrum challenge.

Anyway, the journey was worth it because I got to be with my babyboii during the NS leave. Wait! Now who is this imposter trying to be my dude? *blinks* oh.. it IS my boii. Couldn’t recognize you with the military-style uniform and ermm.. crew-cut hair. (Hey, I’m being nice here! Want me to be mean>? You got it!) Oh baby baby… you will always be the MONK of my monastry… and when the stars shrink and the moon turns to cheese, the MONK will not budge from his unwavering stand. Whoops! Did I just make someone mad? Sorry sayang! It’s just the fun of cracking jokes.. not at your expense of course, but since I did, it’ll be just a one-off thing ey? Sayang back k?  =*

Went to Gurney Plaza for a movie the next day, and I particularly met many of my friends in the ladies’ loo; in front of the mirror. I wondered what was the big event… some drop-dead gorgeous hunk on the loose to steal their hearts? Or maybe it’s just natural for girls to want look good- the female instinct. Soon, I was star-struck. The Celebrity Fitness club! The new stores!The people of all SHAPES and sizes! Dang. I can’t help being neandethal in Gurney Plaza alright??!!? Look, it has been a long time since I last satisfied my highly-addictive drive for shopping. Hey, I feel like a martian in there. There they were, deftly walking upside-down-inside-out of Gurney Plaza while I? Had to foolishly look around like I was crossing some busy city street. Now that’s sad. GET THE HINT MOM!

Did I mention that Henry VIII resembles one of the Pork Chop characters? Or so I thought… looking through dads’ weird-book-of-dead-people just the other day made me realise how cool it is to stay young. Well, at least I won’t be petrified in black and white on crumpled, silver worm infested, dirt-yellow pages. Or have bratty little kids put make-believe moustaches in pen on my upper lip. Isn’t that called vandalising? From what I can recall, it mentioned that he’s against England for stealing his wife. Hey, that doesn’t seem right. Maybe he’s against his wife for stealing England. Or the other way around. Whatever. I always get my facts mixed-up. It’s a miracle why I’m still alive in high-school.

Not for the weak-hearted. Small children. And big babies. and…. OLDIES.

DON’T EAT TOO MUCH RICE!!

The human body was never meant to consume rice! You see, our genes have hardly changed in more than a gazillion years. However, our food choices and lifestyle have changed dramatically… so much so that the caveman would never recognize our food or way of life.

Caveman food was never cooked as fire was not yet tamed. Thus, they ate only those foods that you can eat without treatment by fire. Fruits, vegetables, fish, eggs,nuts and meat. (sushi anyone?) Believe it or not you can even eat raw disgusting meat as it is! Fact? You do possess the necesary enzymes to digest it.

However, rice like wheat and corn, can NEVER be eaten raw. I’m sure you don’t want to end up choking! We never had the enzyme system to break raw rice down. WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO EAT RICE! To make matters worse, we not only eat rice, the typical CHINA MEN whose brain still functions in the ancient civilisation makes rice the bulk of their food.

Rice becomes sugar – lots of it.

This is a fact no smarty-pants nutritionist can deny; rice is chemically no different from sugar. It doesn’t friggin matter if it’s brown rice, cooked rice, your mothers stale rice, raw rice, rice from the nearby chicken coop, herbal rice, or rice from your 99year old granpa’s mouth. Rice is digested to become sugar! When properly cooked, it becomes sugar spikes circulating blood sugar within half an hour- almost as if you took a sugar candy.

Rice is always Asians’ main part of the meal. While sugar may fill your dessert or sweeten your coffee, you will never want to eat a plate of sugar. But by eating rice, you are doing so. I am always amused by people who so sub-consciously order 5plates of rice (equivalent to god-knows-how-much sugar) and then ordering ‘kopi kurang manis’. Lu gilakah? Kurang siuman betui…

Eating rice causes you to drink less water. The more rice you eat, the less water you will drink as there is no mechanism to prevent the over-eating of rice. As rice is tasteless, (except the very-pungent beras wangi) it tends to end up in other food that substitutes rice like noodles and bread. So, we eat hidden forms of food which still get digested into sugar. How ignorant.

So bah to all you china-men who still insists on making rice your source to go on. I don’t have all the time in the world to sit at your dining table and watch your food intake.

Right now, I have my lunch to enjoy. Fried Rice.
Oh no.